Listening Relearned

Everybody’s talking at me, I don’t hear a word their saying only the echoes of my mind. Is this tune reverberating for you from the early 70’s? It appears we faced lack of listening skills then also.

Today what comes into view is our lack of tete a tete communication. Texting, emailing, and voice mail get the gist of the message across, but this technology is blocking out any chance for intimacy.

Relearning how to listen can bring back the caring in communicating. Next time you are invited to a party, consider prompting a conversation and then just listening to what emerges. If you listen, rather than merely hear what is being said, you engage your senses, your heart, you promote growth, and a unique experience, for yourself and others.

Ponder these few listening skills:

Consider that every person you meet is a reflection of some aspect of yourself. Explore it. Be curious.

Ask open ended questions that by design reveal more information. Ask the deeper question in a conversation. The question that is begging to be asked, the one that is the purpose of the interaction, that question that is so telling.

Learn to be comfortable with silence. This allows for reflection, and connection that goes deeper than words. Silence creates the space for more to be revealed. It is perhaps better to feel, and get what the person is communicating, rather than gathering more information by asking questions.

Show respect by looking into the person’s eyes. Read the facial expressions. Hear the tone of voice, is it passionate, sad, or neutrally charged. Stand at a distance that is appropriate and comfortable. Pay attention by providing eye contact, looking away demonstrates distraction. Excessive nodding is distracting, and may be perceived as condescending.

Listen for language style, is it formal, casual, funny, serious, or humorous. Being authentically you, while also matching the speaker’s style, allows for better flow of communication. People more easily relate to others who relate in the same manner.

Listen for points of connection and commonality in the content of the conversation. This is your opportunity to share something you have observed that may be of value to the speaker. This builds trust and rapport. It may spark a more passionate chat. Keep in mind that a dialogue that is solely about you is a dialogue of the deaf, so be generous with your attention. Make it about your audience as much as it is about you. Your words engage when they are apropos.

Listen for what is not being said. Behaviors, or body language, often give more clarity and insight than words. Is there a synchronicity between what is said and what is being reflected? Listening with your intuition can help you relate, or it can signal for you the end of the interaction. Is what you see what you get, or is there an elephant in the room? There is no value in listening to false truths.

Clarifying what you hear is essential to good listening skills. Repeating back a phrase, or thought, shows that you have pledged your attention, and also that you care enough to understand it correctly. It gives the speaker space to rethink the thought, or rephrase it, and often times brings greater meaning to the interaction. It is this dance, between the speaker and the listener, that can lead to a deeper connection and a mutual win/win.

Turn off those echoes in your mind and you will find that options to navigate the conversation will flow more naturally. Everyone has something to offer you if you can just be present to fully listen. Honor each person that crosses your path by giving them your undivided attention, in that very special moment, and you’ll find you honor yourself most of all.

Author
Danielle Vindez holds the vision of optimal health, conscious eating, proper exercise, and mental balance, for all those seeking to transform their lives. For more see http://www.defineyourself-coaching.com/secondarypages/newsletter.html

Bibliography
International Coach Federation “Core Competencies”
Coach University listening skills.