Craftsmen wanted

My grandfather used to say that if you are a craftsman, you will never be short of work. For him, a craftsman was anyone who worked with their hands – whether joiner, stonemason, painter or electrician. They all have one thing in common: everyone needs them at some time in their lives. I leaf through the Yellow Pages in search of an electrician. I need two big lamps put up and three new sets of wiring installed. A simple matter for those who know what they’re doing, a nightmare for someone who is all thumbs like me.

All-Round Electrical Services. Fast – competent – reliable! I read below the name of the Leuchter AG. Sounds good, I think to myself, and dial the number. The phone rings five times, and then I hear the call being rerouted. It rings another four times and then someone shouts ‘Hello?’

‘Is that the Leuchter AG?’ I ask uncertainly.

‘Yes!’ is the curt reply.

‘Good morning. My name is Joe Friedmann. I need your help. I need a few…’ but I get no further, because he interrupts me: ‘No chance this week. We’re fully booked.’ I can hear the sound of loud drilling in the background.

He makes a note of my name and address and says they will call me back. A week passes, and I’m starting to wonder whether he actually understood me with all that noise going on behind him, when out of the blue, he calls me. It’s Saturday lunchtime and I’m doing some shopping when my mobile rings: ‘Müller, Leuchter AG. I’m in your neighbourhood at the moment. I could fit you in after lunch.’

I had intended to be at home when the electrician came, but I decide not to change my plans, to carry on with my shopping trip and not to postpone a visit to a friend afterwards. So I ring my girlfriend and tell her that an electrician will be calling after lunch. ‘And please don’t forget to ask him how much it will cost before he starts!’ I remind her, not wanting any unpleasant surprises.

As I park my car in front of the house later that afternoon, a minibus labelled Leuchter AG. All-Round Electrical Services. Fast – competent – reliable! is just driving off. Behind the wheel sits a man with a cigarette in his mouth, mobile phone at his ear. Laden with my carrier bags full of shopping, I enter my flat, looking forward to admiring our new lighting. I find my girlfriend in a very bad mood as she pushes the vacuum cleaner around the flat. What she had to say on the subject of craftsmen doesn’t bear repeating, so I’ll just give you a summary:

œ The electrician left dirty footprints all over our carpet and black fingerprints on our white-painted walls.

œ Even the new lamps were dirty.

œ Our apartment reeked of cigarette smoke, even though he hadn’t smoked inside the building.

œ His report was illegible, except for the figure at the bottom, which, in contrast, was perfectly clear: 210 euros!

œ Beneath every hole he had drilled, there was a little pile of dust left for us to clear away.

Yes, you’ll never be short of work if you’re a craftsman.

Amazingly good!

One master painter from Graz in Austria guarantees to leave his customers’ homes spotless. If any of his employees leave a mess behind, the customer can have the room cleaned professionally at the company’s expense. It goes without saying that they have never had to get professional cleaners in. Their staff always clean up behind themselves. But this guarantee makes a good impression on potential customers even before they decide to hire this company.

A firm installing new kitchens cuts a postcard-sized piece out of the material the customer has chosen for the cabinet fronts and writes on it: ‘In exactly three weeks from now, you will be the proud owner of a new kitchen, so go ahead and invite people round for dinner! Thank you for your custom!’ And then he sends this ‘postcard’ to the customer, to great effect! Another painter always phones his customers a few months after doing a painting job to ask them whether they are happy with the new colour scheme. This often leads to other jobs they need doing. In addition, when he has finished a painting job, he presents the customer with a bottle of paint in the corresponding colour, together with a new paintbrush. Customers can then paint over any scratches that occur in the course of time themselves.